Friday, February 19, 2016

MPsays, I've Made Mistakes I'm Not Proud Of.

Written by Allen Mark | February 19, 2016


Born into this world full of sin just like the last person. And just like the last person the first thing I did was cry instead of give thanks for my existence. Well look at me, already off to a bad start.

As a child, I was the last conceived of four. A lot of people believe that I was spoiled. When in actuality, my parents spent so much money on my older siblings that by the time I joined the family, we were one paycheck short of being broke, but not poor. All the while it has never once broken me. I remained strong and steadfast. That is, until I met you.

My perspective was once untarnished and polished. Now it is ruined by despondency and grief. Some people refer to it as a negative feeling. I live life with worry and I second guess myself all the time. Sometimes I wish these feelings would leave while other times I'm glad they are here. Somehow they make me who I am. It's disgusting, I know?
I'm always wondering how I got this way. How did I become this person who prey on the frail and play with the muddled? This person who feels the right and mourns the wrong? More importantly, how do I return to the place where I use to reside? Wait, do I really want to return there?

No. Not a chance.

It seems I am confused.
No, I'm not.
Yes I am.
Lately I'm not so sure about a lot of things.
Like my thoughts always reverting back to you.
Whatever. I'm not worried about it. Sometimes I am and sometimes I'm wrong and sometimes I'm right.

I need not to be like this. To feel like. 
It is definitely time for a change. 

Starting now.