MPsays, You Don't Know Until You Know. (Segment Seven)

Written by Allen Mark | November 19, 2015

Review Segment 6

The way this was going you would think we were meeting for the first time. I asked, "could we come in?" She smiled and looked back into the room she was standing in. Her mother was present. She was seeking approval, which was granted. She peered back at me through the space in the door and said, "yes, of course." She opened the door wider to allow us in. We entered.

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Just beyond the doorway was, in fact, the dining room. This is where we would sit and chat. Tina's mother offered my friend and I a cold beverage. We politely replied with "yes, ma'am," as I continued to chat it up with Tina. Two minutes later, our beverages are delivered. Then something unusual occurred, her mother warned my friend and myself that upon the arrival of her husband we would have to scurry out. It was not clear as to why, but we just needed to trust her and go.

I know I assume a lot, so I figured, judging from how this man assumed me to be his daughter's "friend" after the graduation, maybe he isn't in favor of his daughter dating. 

Anyway, back to the plan. We needed to leave when we heard the chime on the front door sound. That seems easy enough.

We continue to converse. I learned so much about her and her home life that evening. It was different, however, spending that time with her outside of the norm, public school. I felt like a grownup. We were seated across from one another, staring off and on into each other's eyes while we digested one another's words. 

There were several moments during my relationship with Bertina that I wished would never end. Sitting there, that evening, with her, chatting away was definitely one of them.

Until it happened. Her father appeared in the doorway of the dining room. How was that possible? I thought. There were no chiming sounds. I remember watching his face morph from relieved that he was finally home from work to confused that more people were in his home after hours other than his wife and kids, to angry when he realized that one of the other faces belong to the young man whom he had met just two weeks prior.

There was a slight hesitation of course, but soon after my friend and I jumped out of our seats and ran straight to the door. My first thought was to save my friend first by pushing him out of the door. Just in case, this man turned out to be a madman. I didn't want my friend to be captured and then I have to explain to his mother why something like this happened to her son. I couldn't save myself, though. The last thing I felt was the v-spot just under the last button of the polo shirt I was wearing surround my Adam's apple then my sight grew dark.

You don't know until you know.

Continue to Segment 8

MPsays, You Don't Know Until You Know. (Segment Six)

Written by Allen Mark | November 9, 2015

Review Segment 5

The school day was short. This time, when the day concluded it didn't end with a "bye". Instead, it ended with "see you".

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July 5th. It was a Wednesday. I remember it well. I brought my bike up from the basement, dusted it off, reconnected the chain, pumped the tires, tightened the brakes and took it for a test run. All was well. It began time I set out to locate the residence of where my "girlfriend" lived.

I called a friend to join me on this ride. I stepped into my summer kicks and headed out! I believe we began our journey at around 3 pm. It took us around two hours to locate her home. Once we reached the house, we parked our bikes against the fence near the side door and proceeded to walk up the steps to knock on the door. I remember feeling anxious to see her face. I was distracted by the calming words expressed from my friend that I didn't notice the door grew ajar and peering through the frame of the door was a woman, her mother. I quickly regained focus to then ask if Bertina was home. She explained to me that she was not home, that she was out shopping with family. She then explained that she wouldn't return home until later that evening. To my assumption, I took it as she was telling me to come back later.

This would mean that my friend and I would get lost in the neighborhood until later had come. We probably waited like 3hrs. Man, now that I think about it, he was a good friend.

The time now was 8:15 pm and later had come. We returned to the side door to knock hoping for a different outcome. Here I was anxious again. I knocked softly but loud enough to be heard. This time, I paid close attention to the response. The nob on the door began to jiggle as locks were being undone. The door began to recede from its frame. My eyes, glued to the bronze doorknob as it drew further from me. My eyes traced the edge of the brown wooden door panel, up the side, until it met the pupils of the being behind it. It was her, Bertina. I felt relieved. "Hi", I spoke first to break the tension. Shyly she replied with, "hi", as she looked down to the floor and then back up to my eyes.

The way this was going you would think we were meeting for the first time. I asked, "could we come in?" She smiled and looked back into the room she was standing in. Her mother was present. She was seeking approval, which was granted. She peered back at me through the space in the door and said, "yes, of course." She opened the door wider to allow us in. We entered.

What comes next? You don't know until you know.

Continue to Segment 7

MPsays, You Don't Know Until You Know. (Segment Five)

Written by Allen Mark | October 29, 2015

Review Segment 4

As Bertina was walking over to her family, her father says loud enough for me to hear, "hey, isn't that your friend? Call him over for a photo." Yeah, that wasn't awkward at all. I walk over, we pose for the photo and all I'm thinking is, she never corrected him.

I never said anything on the subject. Instead, I kept it to myself. As if, it didn't bother me.

We saw one another once more before the break, the next school day. You see, the evening of the graduation was our last day as 8th graders, however, the rest of the grades had one more day. A few of us graduates attended that last day. Bertina and I spent that time connecting and speaking of what life would be like away from one another. Until I had come up with an idea that would result in us not being away but instead together. I asked for her address. She gave it to me. I knew she didn't live close because she took the bus. But I knew if I did not really want to wait out the summer 'til seeing her again, I better pump the tires on my bike and ride through the city looking for her residence.

The school day was short. This time when the day concluded it didn't end with a "bye". Instead it ended with "see you".

It seems real but, you don't know until you know.

Continue to Segment 6

MPsays, You Don't Know Until You Know. (Segment Four)

Written by Allen Mark | October 19, 2015

Review Segment 3

We were known as a cute couple. We were the typical middle school couple. Playing chase, walking around holding hands, sneaking off to hide for quick kisses. That moment in time could've lasted for years if we had the choice.

Only if I knew it then. In fact, the choice was entirely mine. The weeks following would definitely depict what my life with Bertina would consist of.

Rushing ahead a little. It is now the night of our 8th grade dance. In two days we will graduate and move onto become high school students. Okay, hold on, I'm getting too far ahead of myself. It's the night of the dance. I stroll in reasonably late just to make an entrance. There she is, beautiful and not because she is wearing a floor-length burgandy gown. She definitely stood out! It didn't matter to me. That is what I liked about her. The evening was perfect. The music, the setting (school gym), me, her, good times. 

After the dance, I would meet her parents. They were present because they picked her up. It apparently became time for the introduction.

"Hi mom. Hi dad," she says. She then introduces me as Allen. Their assumption, I was a friend. For some reason I understood. Now as I think back, I'm not so sure as to why I did.

Two days later was our graduation. Concluding the ceremony friends and family would meet the graduates in the back parking lot of the school. I met with Bertina and introduced her to my parents as my girlfriend. My dad then breaks out the video camera and begins recording us reciting messages of what we will miss most of middle school. I kissed Bertina on her cheek, wished her a happy summer and watched as she walked over to the direction of her parents. In my mind, I was prepared to wait out the summer once again. In the fall we were going to attend the same school, Central Falls High. So, I wasn't worried about not seeing her again.

Didn't really happen this way though. As Bertina was walking over to her family, her father says loud enough for me to hear, "hey, isn't that your friend? Call him over for a photo." Yeah, that wasn't awkward at all. I walk over, we pose for the photo and all I'm thinking is, she never corrected him.

It's really true, you don't know until you know.

Continue to Segment 5 

MPsays, You Don't Know Until You Know. (Segment Three)

Written by Allen Mark | October 9, 2015

Review Segment 2

Ironically though, when my relationship would end with Angela, so would the relationshp between my childhood friend (Ronny) and cafeteria girl (Bertina). Which only meant one thing, there was nothing hindering us from the inevitable.

It was clear as to what my next move would entail. I needed to ask her out. I will never forget how this took place. I approached her durng lunch recess. She was wearing fitted blue jeans and a white top. Her hair, curly and wrapped in a ponytail. I remember being bold and cutting straight to the point. "Bertina?" I questioned. "Yes", she replied. I took a deep breath and began to collect my words. I remember looking her in her eyes as she looked me in mine. "Do you want to go out?" I finally got the words out. Then I waited for her response. That was the longest 5 seocnds of my life. She licked her lips and proceeded to say, yes.

I felt souped. I felt as though I hit the lotto. Well, I was in the 8th grade and I thought she was gorgeous. What do you expect? There a was a lot of conversing and getting to know one another. We were known as a cute couple. We were the typical middle school couple. Playing chase, walking around holding hands, sneaking off to hide for quick kisses. That moment in time could've lasted for years if we had the choice.

Of course, until reality would set in. Even then, you don't know until you know.

Continue to Segment 4

MPsays, You Don't Know Until You Know. (Segment Two)

Written by Allen Mark | September 29, 2015

Review Segment 1

The time had now come. I had to talk to her. Otherwise I would have lied to myself and who wants to do that? I took another deep breath, exited my homeroom, walked gracefully through the double doors and up to the group of girls. I smiled at the girls of the group and then turned to her. I looked her right in the eyes, smiled again and said, "hello." She, then, looked at me and said, "hi."

"My name is Mark. What's yours?", I said. She recited a name that believe it or not, before that day, I had never heard before. So, I proceeded to the next question. Which was, "how did your summer go?" But just after my question was complete, she quickly placed four fingers on the left side and one thumb on the right side of my neck and began squeezing my throat.

Let's skip ahead to the present real quick. As I type this, I'm thinking, "what the hell was that?" That should have been a red flag to run for the city. I would say "run for the hills" but people die there and are sometimes not found for weeks, months even. Okay back to my story.

I stood firm without flinching. I remained focused on her eyes. I slowly raised my right hand and wrapped my fingers around her wrist while asking politely, "are you through?" She released the grip from my throat, brought her two hands together, and began ridding her fingernails from any dead skin she had collected from my neck. Right then, I should have known that this girl was a psycho. Instead, as I caressed the minor pains on my neck, my inner reaction was feeling the entire action of play as HOT!

The next couple of weeks would set the tone of what we meant to one another. We became classmates associates. Nothing more. Turns out she was in a relationship with one of my childhood friends. It would be extremely rude of me to step in and interrupt what they may or not have. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I waited.

In the meantime, I would be meet Angela. We became close in an odd sort of distant type of way. One thing I will never forgot about Angela is our first kiss. It was rushed but passionate. The anticipation of it is what made it significant. We could have had something great. Only, my heart was with cafeteria girl. While Angela was actually interested in my childhood friend, only she was not aware of it yet. Yes, the same friend dating cafeteria girl. Angela and I would remain a couple for four months, from December to March. Exactly one month passed the time of a typical middle school relationship. 

Ironically though, when my relationship would end with Angela, so would the relationshp between my childhood friend and cafeteria girl. Which only meant one thing. There's nothing hindering us from the inevitable. 

Apparently, you don't know until you know.

Continue to Segment 3

MPsays, You Don't Know Until You Know. (Segment One)

Written by Allen Mark | September 19, 2015


When you feel as though you have tried your hardest. You come to a point where you realize it was all for the experience. You try to look at it, anything, on the bright side. When, in your reality, the bright side doesn't really exist. Not in this world at least. I hold more than just some people on a pedestal. I believe that my entire life is held there as well. I have had this idea for so long of a "Perfect Life" that I haven't really taken the time to actually live this life. I mean, the people I've met, the places I've visited, the relationships I've been apart of... What does it all mean? What will it really stand for? Looking back on everything I cannot help but to wonder, what was it all for?

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I remember in grade school. Seventh grade. I saw this face. Unfamiliar. I had been a student of this school for six years and had never once seen this face.  I walked into the caferteria and there she was seated at a round table. Alone. Eating a bowl of milk and cereal. I remember wondering if she was even in my grade. I assumed she wasn't since I had not recalled seeing her face in the 7th grade halls.

I rememeber mustering up the courage to approach her. I had a slight fear of rejection. Especially if she were older and she couldn't have be younger, she just didn't act like a sixth grader. You know? What can I say, I was in seventh-grade and she was beautiful. I began to conquer my fear and put forth one foot in front of the other 'til I reached her side. But as I took the first step two girls approached her. Very happy. It appeared they were joyous about something. I wasn't paying attention to the actual words professed by either of them only because I felt as though I was rejected before actually speaking. She couldn't have known I was coming. She didn't even see me.

The next thing I thought to do was something bold that would take a whole lot of patience as well as time. I waited. Two months from the moment I first saw her it would be summer break. My plan was, when I returned to the school to begin eighth-grade, after break if I were to see her there, first that would mean that she was in my grade and second I would really have to approach her. And with no hesitation. That was indeed a long long summer.

September finally presented itself. It was the first day of school. I entered the building and proceeded to walk up the stairs to the 3rd floor. The eighth-grade floor. As I reached the double doors, I saw a group of girls chatting and laughing at the punchline of a joke I had missed. I began to walk past the girls, onto and through the double doors. Only, I would notice something that slowed down my steps. It was... This face. The face from the cafeteria the school year prior. I remember being completely speechless. Once the moment passed my steps quickened again as I entered my homeroom. I dropped my bag onto a desk, brushed myself off and took a deep breath. I knew what was next. I had waited all this time. The time had now come. I had to talk to her. Otherwise I would have lied to myself and who wants to do that? I took another deep breath, exited my homeroom, walked gracefully through the double doors and up to the group of girls. I smiled at the girls of the group and then turned to her. I looked her right in the eyes, smiled and said, "hello..."

I guess you don't know until you know.

Continue to Segment 2